Dondi Scumaci: How to Be a Better Leader by Telling Better Stories
That was a definite crow hop!
Fortunato did not actually buck, but clearly let me know he could (if he wanted to).
We came to an abrupt (although staggering) halt.
In all of our work together, he had never misbehaved this way, and it scared me. My first temptation was to jump off and find the pesky fly that had caused this drama.
Then the lesson arrived.
My instructor said, “You have an honest horse, and you are being unfair.”
Wait, what?
It wasn’t a fly.
“You are applying pressure with your legs and hands, asking him to respond. He is responding. He’s answering the question. He’s trying to please you, but you are not releasing the pressure. For him, that feels unfair, and he just let you know (because he is honest).”
Once again, Fortunato slips into the role of teacher and Mentor. There’s a leadership lesson here.
As leaders, when we apply pressure, do we recognize and acknowledge the efforts and attempts to respond?
It’s fascinating to see the next generations stepping into the workplace and marketplace. While we tend to focus on the differences between the generations. I am finding so much common ground. We are more alike than we may realize.
As I study the trends, I understand the new generations want to collaborate, make a meaningful difference and grow. They want a trusting relationship with management and seek mentors willing to guide.
The interesting thing is, people of ALL ages want those things. Perhaps in the past, employees didn’t feel they could ask for or expect these things from their places of work.
Maybe we are seeing a shift from wanting to expecting. That is changing the conversation.
With a goal of getting organized and moving forward, this horse will drop me to the right and slide to the left. We wiggle and drift side to side.
This is when I hear my instructor’s voice in my head. “Find your structure! No matter what he does, you are immovable. Your structure supports him – it invites him to stand up and get organized.”
At this point she also adds, “Remember, his weaknesses reflect yours. He is your mirror.”
Gulp.
What a brilliant lesson for living and leading. Simply put, it means developing the strength of your own structure – building your leadership core. Only then can you respond to what is moving around (or beneath) you, without falling into it or drifting off course.
The new mentoring tool is here! For more information, click here. Mentoring In-a-Box Information
I love crossing things off my ‘to-do’ list. At that very second (I am told) there is a feels-so-satisfying dopamine hit to the brain. It feels so good, it gets addicting. We can spend our days checking the list, crossing things off – searching for that temporary reward, without touching things that really matter.
It’s quite possible to check lots of boxes and miss the point entirely.
I’m retraining my brain to shift from a focus on deadlines to one of purpose. I want to get to the ‘why’ behind the ‘what.’ That’s where pure satisfaction comes from anyway.
Life shouldn’t be a ‘check-the-box exercise.
From here on out, my ‘to-do’ list won’t be a simple inventory of tasks. I am experimenting with a menu of move-the-dial purpose statements.
Little things or big things, I want to make sure my energy is flowing to the important things.
Fortunato will try things with me that he wouldn’t dream of trying with his Trainer, Erin Bell. He finds the holes (in my confidence and capability) and exploits them. In that way, he is a great teacher. He shows me where the holes are, so I can fill them with…presence.
It’s fascinating to watch someone with presence. This is not about size, position, title, force, aggression or intimidation. It’s about the way they enter and read the situation, hold and carry themselves through the rough spots and how they manage the energy and literally change the conversation. Here’s an example:
Yesterday as Erin began working with Fortunato, he wanted to make it a contest of wills. He was pushing forward and trying to bully through her. (He wanted to establish himself as the leader in this lesson.)
Instead of competing with him and allowing the anxiety to accelerate, she changed the energy in the moment. She shifted from moving to waiting – from tension to calmness – from talking to listening.
She created a pause.
As we waited, I literally watched the conversation change. Fortunato went from telling to asking. His energy shifted from rigid to relaxed. There was an emotional shift too – from anxiety to trust. From there we moved forward in a really productive way.
Presence invites people (and as it turns out, equines) to step into the arena and play effectively – to engage, reach, trust and enjoy the process.
Ready to ReLaunch Yourself? Check out this interview with Joel Boggess and Dr. Pei Kang, 176 Take Control of Your Career Success: with Dondi Scumaci.
http://relaunchshow.com/career-success-dondi-scumaci/
The inspiration for The Fortunato Files is a gorgeous rescue who is teaching me more about trust, partnership, courage and leadership than I ever imagined possible. He’s a Spanish Line Back Dun (very smart and a little sarcastic). Fortunato has a BIG personality. He also has tricks. (A few I’ve taught him, but most are his idea.)
According to my trainer, I am “out horsed.” Lessons in Leadership from the Ground Up is a peek into the pages of my personal diary as we make this journey together. I hope you will join us along the way.
Fortunato’s story changed the day he arrived at Meadow Haven Horse Rescue. Dondi Scumaci, Inc. is proud to be a sponsor. I invite you to learn more about the remarkable work they do saving horses.