Let Your Objectives Drive
Welcome back! Thank you for the great interaction on Facebook regarding the post “Emotions Make Bad Drivers.” As always, your comments add a depth to the discussion that is refreshing and thought provoking.
We left the disgruntled employee plotting her “I’ll-Show-You” strategy after receiving critical feedback from her supervisor. (If you’ve not read the story, I encourage you to start here. )
Now it was my turn to pull up a chair.
Drawing on the wisdom of Zig Ziglar, who taught me to “fix people first, then fix problems,” I simply acknowledged the emotion of the scene. (I’ll admit this took some doing on my part. Her behavior was so irrational and vengeful, it was challenging to focus on or care how she was feeling.) Thankfully I found the words. “It hurts when feedback is critical or feels unfair.”
The rant stopped and at that moment she allowed the real emotion to come forward. Anger is a mask. If you can get behind the anger, you can find the honest emotion.
Her honest emotion was fear. As we talked more, I learned how afraid she really was. Afraid of losing her job, looking foolish, and even being “shut out” on the team. Now we were getting somewhere.
With the real emotion on the table, we were able to turn those fears into objectives. I asked her to imagine a more successful result and actions she could take to move closer to those goals.
It wasn’t a perfect process. Several times, she lost her focus and imagined the shortcomings of her boss instead. It was easier (at first) for her to describe the offense and to defend her position. Each time she turned in that direction, I asked another objective-based question.
- Even so, what pieces of this do you influence?
- What can you do to manage those perceptions?
- How can you invite your boss to see you in a new way?
- What is the brand you want to build?
- How might you be contributing to the problem?
She made the turn. She left the session with a goal and a plan. She learned to let her objectives drive.
I hope you enjoyed the rest of the story, and I’d love to hear your thoughts. You are personally invited to join the discussion on Facebook.
Stayed tuned for the next blog installment. I’m going to share some secrets with you – “How Leaders(Unwittingly) Reward Low Accountability.” You may be surprised by what appears on this list of unintentional strategies.
Until then, remember you were designed for success and built to grow. Take honest emotions along for the ride, but let objectives drive.
July 4th, 2010 at 10:40 am
Thank you for these comments Beth!
You are so right!
In direct sales, we guide and lead more than manage, but there are situations which arise that require us to give more direct feedback (or receive it) in order to grow. So, I try to lay the groundwork with my team from the beginning that we should all always be on the lookout for ways to improve, for slight edges – little incremental adjustments that can make a huge impact over time. I try to coach people into seeing what they need to change themselves when I can, so I don’t have to. When that doesn’t work, I will find articles and audio trainings to toss their way.
On the receiving end, I highly encourage everyone to read books by George Boelcke on personality types and how to communicate with each of the four basic types in various situations: sales, recruiting, parenting, etc. It is THE most user-friendly system for quickly recognizing your own personality type and that of others in order to understand each other better. Those in our company who have attended his seminars are much more open to suggestions and criticism from each other because we often know ‘where they are coming from’ moreso than before. One of my upline supervisors used to seem harsh, now I realize she is direct. It is who she is. She means no harm because to her, words cannot hurt your feelings. To me, sometimes they do, and now, knowing that about me, she will temper her words a bit to ease the ‘blow’ of what she is about to say. We are inviting George to speak at our regional training in January and I can’t wait to see the local consultants growth in the year ahead.
Beth York
Sr. Supervisor, Usborne Books and More
http://www.UsborneNow.com