She had just come from a little sit down with her supervisor (who was described in the most colorful terms). The chat hadn’t gone well. Apparently her boss had recited a list of criticisms – which in this employee’s head sounded like, “Do more. Do it better. Do it faster.”

I wasn’t at the meeting with her boss, so I can’t fairly comment on how effectively the performance message was delivered. I can speak to the employee’s response. She was deliberately climbing on the “gotcha” wheel and preparing to give it a real spin.

This employee left the meeting plotting her sweet revenge. She would document everything and everyone. She would keep careful lists about who was doing what (and who wasn’t). Her plan was to highlight the errors and shortcomings of her supervisor and colleagues. When I asked how that would improve her brand she shrugged, “This documentation will give me the ammunition I need the next time my boss wants to discuss my performance.”

Ammunition? (Are you kidding me? We aren’t in a gunfight here!)

Coming from a purely emotional place, her strategy was to defend and deflect the feedback. Being right in this situation required proving others wrong, and standing taller meant knocking others down. Her plan was purely reactive and filled with malice. (I’ve never known good things to come from bad intentions.)

We will all have the opportunity to manage critical feedback in our lives. It may be at work or at home, spoken or implied. We may not agree with the feedback we receive from others; that’s okay. Agreement isn’t the goal. Understanding and responding effectively to the feedback is.

Here are five strategies for processing feedback effectively. (This comes with an invitation. What would you add to the list? What is your best advice for making the most of feedback?)

1. Resist the temptation to argue or defend. Ask questions with a sincere goal to understand where the feedback is coming from.
2. Remember the feedback is not you, but it is yours. You will ultimately decide what to do with it. You are in the driver’s seat.
3. Feedback is perception-based. If you can locate the perception, you can manage it. That is a very good thing! Instead of focusing on the criticism, focus on what you can do to manage the perception.
4. Look for patterns and trends in the feedback you’re receiving. If for example you have a communication breakdown with one person, it may be an isolated incident. It happens. If you are surrounded by a flurry of miscommunication, you may need to take a closer look at your own messages! The problem may not be “them!”
5. Manage the emotional environment of feedback by thanking the giver. This can be very challenging, especially if you disagree or if the feedback hurts. (This tip belongs on the list of things that you won’t feel like doing when it matters the most.) Again, agreement isn’t the goal here. You might simply say, “Thank you for sharing your perspective.”

In my next blog, I’ll share the rest of the story – how this employee turned negative feedback into a launching pad for positive results. In the meantime I would love you to weigh in with your best managing feedback tip.

You were designed for success and built to grow!

In the workplace, proceed with real caution in “balancing the (value) account.”

The same thing can happen to people. If we find ourselves in a bad fit, it’s like wearing shoes that pinch your toes. Off we go scrunching our toes – focused more on what is uncomfortable than on what is possible. All the training in the world won’t make those shoes fit better.

Sometimes I ask audience members, “If you could be any animal, what would you choose…and why?” It’s an interesting question; sometimes the responses are quite profound.

My favorite comes from a gentleman in Dallas. He said, “I’d choose the mountain goat. They are strong and surefooted. They go where others can’t or won’t.  Most of all they enjoy it! Mountain goats love to do what they are built for…they love to climb.”

I would love to hear how you are playing to your strengths. What are you doing to find your service niche?

As promised, here’s the video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGODurRfVv4

Remember you were designed for success and built to grow!

All the best,

Dondi

I often ask people to share their mentoring stories. Who has influenced your
life, the way you think, and what you believe? Who are the people that have
deeply invested themselves in you, and how have they done that? Honestly,
these are some of the most moving stories I ever hear. They are always packed with
devotion and gratitude and wisdom. I learn something from each one of them.
These stories connect us to each other and to what we value most.

My first mentor was my Grandfather. He was a 6-foot-something Irish man, blinded
in a mining accident in his early 20′s. He never laid seeing eyes on his
wife or children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren. Even so, he went on
to build something from nothing. He was farmer, a fisherman, and my best
friend. We called him “Pop,” and when my Grandmother died he came to live
with us. He was a wonderful babysitter! Oh the places we would go!

We would walk to town – just the two of us – to buy fishing lures and
weights and hooks and bobs. He had memorized the streets by counting the
curbs, so he always knew exactly where we were. That made me feel safe and also, I felt important. He needed me as much as I needed him.

At the time, it seemed pretty simple. I was his eyes and he was
bigger than life! As I look back on it now, there was a whole lot of
learning going on.

Pop taught me that you are never too young or small to have vision for
another – to see things they cannot. From him I learned how to balance
myself when someone is leaning on me for support. I learned to slow down
when the path is uneven, and to communicate clearly what I see.

I smile now when I think of about our trips to town. A small child and a
giant of a man on a great adventure. In many ways, I am still using those
skills. Balancing myself, casting a vision, communicating what I see, and
helping people navigate the rough spots. Those trips to town prepared me for
a much larger mission in life and I am grateful.

Find your own mentoring stories and I assure you, they will resonate. They will remind you of who you are, where you’ve been, and what matters most. Your story has the power
to encourage and equip others. Find your stories and tell them well. In
doing so, you honor both the lessons and the teachers. In short, you reconnect.

In both of my books, Designed for Success and Ready, Set…Grow!, I heartily recommended journaling. The value of writing down your own life lessons and experiences can’t be underestimated. What you’ve learned from mentors is a good writing “assignment” for your personal growth journal. Or you may want to consider a letter of gratitude. Let your mentors know the role they’ve played in your life.

You were built for success and designed to grow!

All the best,

Dondi

It is a wonderful moment when you realize that you create your own opportunity by increasing your value. As an employee, you are an asset. Increase your value and opportunity will present itself. I promise. It’s the rule. You know sowing and reaping what you put in, you get out. It may not happen as quickly as you like or even where you are today, but it will absolutely happen. Here are three things you can do to start adding value right now, right where are: 

1. Ask your boss how you can have greater impact. (When I ask bosses if they would appreciate this they say, “Absolutely!” Most of them also say it has never happened. Blow your bosses mind, be the first.)
2. Look for way to add value to everything you do, even to what seems routine and mundane. This is a little like putting “top spin” on the ball. You don’t even have to go the extra mile. Just reach beyond what is expected, and watch your value skyrocket.
3. Make it easier for people to do business with you. Think about your internal and external customers. How can you become a greater resource? How can you save your customers time, make information more accessible, or simplify a process?

In the words of one of my favorite authors Brian Tracy, “The more you seek security, the less of it you have. But the more you seek opportunity, the more likely it is that you will achieve the security that you desire.”You were designed for success and you have tremendous value!

Recently, a hiring manager wrote to me with a very interesting observation. She said, “I am screening candidates right now for two regional positions and there is a strong distinction between men who come across so much more confident and eager. They often have a planned strategy for their career where women don’t.” She is reading Designed for Success and found the difference between the male and female candidates very interesting. You’ll notice she did not say the men were brighter or more qualified. The difference was that they came to the table with confidence, energy, and a solid plan. This is a good example of how women can undersell themselves or fail to market themselves effectively. Here are three steps that women can take to make a stronger, more positive impression: 

1. Develop your career plan! Reach into the future at least 5 years, set your goals, and create a roadmap. Your career is one of the most important projects you will ever manage. Treat it like a project by defining your objectives, developing a timeline, and identifying the milestones. This way, when people ask, you’ll be able to share your vision immediately. This alone shows confidence, planning and structure that can be valuable in any situation and would be an asset to a prospective employer or client. 
2. Learn how to tell your stories well. (In Designed for Success you will learn five stories we all need to have on the tip of our tongues and how to market yourself effectively.) Share openly and honestly and with confidence!

3. Confidence can be learned with practice. Even when you don’t feel it you can still portray confidence to those around you. When you find yourself in a low-confidence situation think of the most confident person you know and visualize what she (or he) would do in this situation. She would probably make eye contact and smile. Her posture would be open. She might lean forward to strengthen the connection and use natural gestures. Internally, she would allow herself to be “in the moment,” and she would give herself permission to take a risk.

Even if you don’t feel like that self-assured person, you can do all of the things that he or she would. No one outside yourself ever needs to know (or suspect!) that you aren’t just like that confident person that you pictured in your own mind a few minutes ago.

I appreciate each of you who have taken the time to comment. Your questions are also right on the mark. Many of you have asked about mentoring specifically, and I am delighted to address those questions here. First, if you don’t have a mentor, make 2008 the year to find one! Mentoring is by far one of the most powerful things you can do for your career (and your sanity). We are designed for success, but we are not designed to go it alone! Our lives should come with that disclaimer. Do not attempt any of this alone! A good mentor is a sounding board, a trusted advisor, and visionary. This is someone who can help you sort it out, find opportunity inside challenge, and craft your professional development. Ask the most successful people; they can point to mentors who have helped them achieve the level of success they currently enjoy. Several of you asked how to choose a good mentor, or what is the ‘criteria’ you should consider when selecting a mentor. Here are a few things you may want to consider. Good mentors:

• Believe in personal growth. They are growing and learning; development is a core value.
• Possess excellent communication skills.
• Are trustworthy.
• Have achieved a level of success or accomplishment you aspire to.
• Help you make important discoveries and find your blind spots. 
• Rather than lending you their judgment, they assist you in developing your own.
• Are willing to invest themselves in the success of others.
• Have an excellent reputation, marked by integrity.
• Are authentic. They are willing to share what they have learned from success and failure.

Who in your personal or professional life meets these criteria? I encourage you to ‘test drive’ a mentor. Run a challenge you are currently facing by them. Ask their opinion about an opportunity. Learn from their experience by asking questions. What has been their greatest career lesson or most notable achievement? What skills did they consciously work to develop and master? What challenges have they faced, and how did they overcome those? What do they value, and how do they reflect and honor those values in their work? How has mentoring impacted them? As you look for a mentor, remember to be one. As you reach forward with one hand, reach back with another and bring someone along. You may have the answer someone else is looking for. Invest yourself in others. It is such a pleasure to watch another person ‘become.’ Stayed tuned for more of the mentoring discussion! We will explore this topic more fully in the days to come. In the meantime, if you have a specific question, please post it! Many of you shared such positive feedback about Designed for Success. Thank you for that! Please go to amazon.com and give us a review! Thank you in advance for helping us share Designed for Success with the world.

I am always looking for examples of these differences and the current television series “Celebrity Apprentice” is rich with them! If you are following the series, you know that in each episode a team of female celebrities is competing with male celebrities in a marketing contest. As of last week the women have lost 4 out of 4 contests! Why are the women losing so consistently? I’d love to hear your take on this, and to start the discussion, I’ll toss in this observation:The men are good at engaging and leveraging their network. In the first episode, only one of the female team members consciously leveraged her contacts. She was personally responsible for most of the money raised “marketing hotdogs” on the streets of NYC. While her teammates were selling hotdogs for $1, she was dialing her contacts asking for $5,000! The real insight comes from a teammate’s comment, “Thank God! Not all of us have contacts like that!” Bingo! That contest ended with one of the women hearing Donald Trump’s famous line, “You’re Fired!” with the reason being that she had consciously refused to use her contacts. She wanted to ‘save’ her resources!! Designed for Success encourages you to develop a strong network. It also asks the very important question, “Will your net hold?”I encourage you to think about your network and how to make it bigger and stronger and more powerful. Who is on the list (and what have you done for them lately)? More importantly, who should be on the list (and what is your plan to make that contact)? What are your thoughts on all of this? Careers, networking, even the Celebrity Apprentice! I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to drop me a line with feedback, support, or questions at www.dondiscumaci.com. I’ll look forward to hearing from you.