Welcome back! Thank you for the great interaction on Facebook regarding the post “Emotions Make Bad Drivers.” As always, your comments add a depth to the discussion that is refreshing and thought provoking.

We left the disgruntled employee plotting her “I’ll-Show-You” strategy after receiving critical feedback from her supervisor. (If you’ve not read the story, I encourage you to start here. )

Now it was my turn to pull up a chair.

Drawing on the wisdom of Zig Ziglar, who taught me to “fix people first, then fix problems,” I simply acknowledged the emotion of the scene. (I’ll admit this took some doing on my part. Her behavior was so irrational and vengeful, it was challenging to focus on or care how she was feeling.) Thankfully I found the words. “It hurts when feedback is critical or feels unfair.”

The rant stopped and at that moment she allowed the real emotion to come forward. Anger is a mask. If you can get behind the anger, you can find the honest emotion.

Her honest emotion was fear. As we talked more, I learned how afraid she really was. Afraid of losing her job, looking foolish, and even being “shut out” on the team. Now we were getting somewhere.

With the real emotion on the table, we were able to turn those fears into objectives. I asked her to imagine a more successful result and actions she could take to move closer to those goals.

It wasn’t a perfect process. Several times, she lost her focus and imagined the shortcomings of her boss instead. It was easier (at first) for her to describe the offense and to defend her position. Each time she turned in that direction, I asked another objective-based question.

• Even so, what pieces of this do you influence?
• What can you do to manage those perceptions?
• How can you invite your boss to see you in a new way?
• What is the brand you want to build?
• How might you be contributing to the problem?

She made the turn. She left the session with a goal and a plan. She learned to let her objectives drive.

I hope you enjoyed the rest of the story, and I’d love to hear your thoughts. You are personally invited to join the discussion on Facebook.

Stayed tuned for the next blog installment. I’m going to share some secrets with you – “How Leaders(Unwittingly) Reward Low Accountability.” You may be surprised by what appears on this list of unintentional strategies.

Until then, remember you were designed for success and built to grow. Take honest emotions along for the ride, but let objectives drive.

Tweet This Post

She had just come from a little sit down with her supervisor (who was described in the most colorful terms). The chat hadn’t gone well. Apparently her boss had recited a list of criticisms – which in this employee’s head sounded like, “Do more. Do it better. Do it faster.”

I wasn’t at the meeting with her boss, so I can’t fairly comment on how effectively the performance message was delivered. I can speak to the employee’s response. She was deliberately climbing on the “gotcha” wheel and preparing to give it a real spin.

This employee left the meeting plotting her sweet revenge. She would document everything and everyone. She would keep careful lists about who was doing what (and who wasn’t). Her plan was to highlight the errors and shortcomings of her supervisor and colleagues. When I asked how that would improve her brand she shrugged, “This documentation will give me the ammunition I need the next time my boss wants to discuss my performance.”

Ammunition? (Are you kidding me? We aren’t in a gunfight here!)

Coming from a purely emotional place, her strategy was to defend and deflect the feedback. Being right in this situation required proving others wrong, and standing taller meant knocking others down. Her plan was purely reactive and filled with malice. (I’ve never known good things to come from bad intentions.)

We will all have the opportunity to manage critical feedback in our lives. It may be at work or at home, spoken or implied. We may not agree with the feedback we receive from others; that’s okay. Agreement isn’t the goal. Understanding and responding effectively to the feedback is.

Here are five strategies for processing feedback effectively. (This comes with an invitation. What would you add to the list? What is your best advice for making the most of feedback?)

1. Resist the temptation to argue or defend. Ask questions with a sincere goal to understand where the feedback is coming from.
2. Remember the feedback is not you, but it is yours. You will ultimately decide what to do with it. You are in the driver’s seat.
3. Feedback is perception-based. If you can locate the perception, you can manage it. That is a very good thing! Instead of focusing on the criticism, focus on what you can do to manage the perception.
4. Look for patterns and trends in the feedback you’re receiving. If for example you have a communication breakdown with one person, it may be an isolated incident. It happens. If you are surrounded by a flurry of miscommunication, you may need to take a closer look at your own messages! The problem may not be “them!”
5. Manage the emotional environment of feedback by thanking the giver. This can be very challenging, especially if you disagree or if the feedback hurts. (This tip belongs on the list of things that you won’t feel like doing when it matters the most.) Again, agreement isn’t the goal here. You might simply say, “Thank you for sharing your perspective.”

In my next blog, I’ll share the rest of the story – how this employee turned negative feedback into a launching pad for positive results. In the meantime I would love you to weigh in with your best managing feedback tip.

You were designed for success and built to grow!

In the workplace, proceed with real caution in “balancing the (value) account.”

Tweet This Post

That powerful “little story” delivered Five Laws of Stratospheric Success and they resonated! The Go-Giver became a team project, as we looked for ways to apply the laws personally and professionally. It changed the way we looked at our business, our customers, and each other.  We loved that “little red book” around here!

Burg and Mann have done it again! Today, Go-Givers Sell More officially launches. I had the opportunity to read an advance copy and it’s brilliant. (If you’re on my gift list, guess what you’re getting for your birthday?)

More than a handbook for sales, this is a guide for understanding people and building successful relationships. This is the book that tells us the truth about selling. (And the truth may surprise you.) It’s a blueprint for creating value, extending your reach, and increasing your influence. Go-Givers Sell More will encourage your authenticity and challenge you to live more generously.

There is tremendous power in this! As you apply the principles outlined in this book, you will as the authors say, “not only make a good living, but create a great life.”

To order your copy of Go-Givers Sell More (and recieve a package of e-bonuses you can enjoy immediately) visit http://www.gogiverssellmore.com/launch-special/.

Tweet This Post

Tweet This Post

I’ve been reading Endless Referrals (Third Edition) by Bob Burg. It’s definitely an opportunity to learn from the best. If networking is priority for you, this is a great resource. Burg will turn typcial networking notions on their head as you learn how to:

• Position yourself the ‘Center of Influence’ in a networking situation.
• Become a great connector.
• Ask one key question that separates you from all the “networking” noise.
• Follow up in world-class ways.
• Create ambassadors for your products and services.

The most successful people I know have built strong, vibrant networks. They invest themselves beautifully in the success of others. Bob has done that with this book. He’s given us a system for networking that really works! It’s authentic and filled with integrity. Just like the author – who in my experience walks his wisdom every day.

Tweet This Post

I asked a dear friend who is an executive for a global company to read an advance copy and give me feedback. It was amazing to see how she connected with the story and built upon it. She pulled her own story out of mine. That is exactly what Career Moves is designed to do!

One of the metaphors you will find in reading the book is the bonsai. Here is a quote from Zoe, a character in Career Moves:

“Some people think bonsai trees are just miniature versions of larger trees, and something cruel has been done to keep them small. I used to think that too, but it isn’t true. Bonsais are a wonderful example of disciplined, deliberate growth. I think that’s a good metaphor for what is happening here—growth that is elegant and purposeful. It takes understanding and commitment to grow a bonsai. There is a science to it, but it is also an art form.”

Just days after my friend read the manuscript, an orchid arrived at my door. A lovely Lady’s Slipper. Attached was a note: “I love the bonsai metaphor. Orchids have a story too. Next time we talk I’ll share it with you.”

Completely intrigued, I called her!

She explained that orchids are unique in the way they pull nutrients from the air. Some orchids, like the Lady’s Slipper don’t take nutrients from the soil. They literally “inhale,”  taking what they need from the air! They work with the environment to create something extraordinary. That is a beautiful metaphor for a life well-lived: working where we are, with what we have to create something marvelous.

This book is special in another way too. The foreword is written by someone I admire and respect so much. Thank you Bob Burg, Co-Author of The Go-Giver and Go-Givers Sell More. Your endorsement and foreword is a precious gift.

Stand by. In a few days, I have a gift for you.

You were designed for success and built to grow,                          

Dondi

Tweet This Post

The same thing can happen to people. If we find ourselves in a bad fit, it’s like wearing shoes that pinch your toes. Off we go scrunching our toes – focused more on what is uncomfortable than on what is possible. All the training in the world won’t make those shoes fit better.

Sometimes I ask audience members, “If you could be any animal, what would you choose…and why?” It’s an interesting question; sometimes the responses are quite profound.

My favorite comes from a gentleman in Dallas. He said, “I’d choose the mountain goat. They are strong and surefooted. They go where others can’t or won’t.  Most of all they enjoy it! Mountain goats love to do what they are built for…they love to climb.”

I would love to hear how you are playing to your strengths. What are you doing to find your service niche?

As promised, here’s the video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGODurRfVv4

Remember you were designed for success and built to grow!

All the best,

Dondi

Tweet This Post

This year, my father repaired our gates.

We worked for hours he and I – much of the time in contented silence. To be there – working together was enough. There are moments I captured in my mind – like snapshots. I will never forget them. Watching him work with his baseball cap tilted off to one side, thinking how he has always been able to build anything and fix everything.  Seeing his once young hands, older now. Knowing that it causes him pain to stand for a long time on knees that are weary. Drinking strong coffee and wanting to hold onto the moment forever.

Gates are a mighty metaphor, representing what we let in and what we keep out of our lives. Gates protect what we care about. They are the boundaries we set and the invitations we make. As we worked, I thought about the “virtual” gates in my life. I  wondered about the condition of those. What am I allowing? What am I blocking? What have I locked out, and what have I locked in?

Winter has come. Each time I swing those gates open, I see my father’s face. And each time I close them I am grateful again. As a child, he was a larger-than-life-hero. Some things don’t change, even when you are all grown up with gates of your own.

Tweet This Post

For many of us worry is a constant, all-too-faithful companion. (That’s fair, because in many ways we “invite” her along for the ride. We don’t like her, but honestly some of us don’t know what to do without her!) Once “she” attaches herself to you, she can be so hard to shake! She attends meetings, interrupts your work, steals your energy, and battles with your confidence.

Worry usually doesn’t travel alone. She networks! She is more than happy to introduce you to her colleagues. Doubt, Criticism, and Negativity are three of her favorite peers, but Fear is her boss.

Worry can become a habit. Some people might even say an addiction! If you can relate to that, and you want to break free, consider these steps:

1. The first step to breaking the habit of worry is to become more aware of when you are worrying and what you are worrying about. (Do not allow worry to crouch in the corner of your mind. Pull her out into the light and look her squarely in the face!)

2. Set an appointment with worry and give her your complete attention! Take notes. Write it all down. Don’t worry, (pun intended) when she is finished with her agenda, you’re going to introduce her to gratitude, action, and vision. (That, by the way will make her very uncomfortable, and she may cancel future appointments with you.)

3. Once you have exhausted yourself with the worst case scenario, imagine how you want things to turn out. Picture the outcomes you want.

4. Brainstorm actions you can take to move closer to your goal.

5. Finish your meeting with one more list. What are you grateful for? (This is where you introduce worry to gratitude. I promise worry will not hang around to chat it up.)

In Chapter 6 of Ready, Set.Grow, you will learn more about breaking the worry habit. (And if worry is an addiction for you, chapter 6 will be your “Worry Intervention.”)

All the best,

Dondi

Tweet This Post

For example:

. She attends the team meeting that’s been derailed by excuses and
negativity. There’s your opportunity to be a catalyst for positive momentum. Change the course of the conversation with an accountable question. “What pieces of this problem do we control?”

. Opportunity is available for that routine, mundane task. How? She would
ask, “How can you add value to this? How you make it better?”

. You’ll find her as you greet the day, when you are grateful for
the opportunity to start fresh and try again. Each day brings with it a new slate of opportunities.

. Notice her when you decide to break out of destructive patterns
and make new choices for yourself. The options and chances here are endless, limited by only your imagination.

. She may hide behind a persistent problem or inside a daunting task you’ve been procrastinating. She may simply dare you to try something new as you approach the task or maybe, if you’ve been putting it off, just to begin.

. She’ll even dream with you – big, beautiful dreams about the
future that you want to create with her by your side.

Thinking about opportunity in this way changes where I look for her and what I
think she looks like. I want to recognize her in all of her disguises!
When I can see opportunity, she allows me to take her hand and go further than I’d imagined possible!

All the best,

Dondi

Tweet This Post